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[21 Mar 2005|09:50pm] |
Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for
Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for
Could it be this
Could it be bliss
Could it be all that
I ever had missed
Could it be true
Can life be new
And can I be used
Can I be used
Give me a reason
For life and for death
A reason for drowning
While I hold my breath
Something to laugh at
A reason to cry
With everyone hopeless
And hoping for something
To hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for
Could it be true
Can life be new
Could it be all that I am
Is in You
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[24 Feb 2005|10:03am] |
I'm sick today, so i had to stay home from school. yayyy. I finally get to update my journal. perdo siiiii!! I was going to get involved with johnathan, until something happened. i didnt expect this at all. its like the momoing twilite zone or something. Eduardo came into publix like two days ago!! right when he came in, i completely forgot all the stuff i was going to say to him i was just so happy to see him! but right after that i was like "why didnt you call me, or write to me, or try to make any kind of contact with me at all?????" he had some sort of excuse like "i had to sell my computer, and I couldn't afford a phone card." part of me is like wants to say "a likely story, get the momo out of here" and part of me, well most of me, is like "awwww. you poor baby lets start where we left." but what about johnathan? I mean its pretty obious about who i'm going to choose, but i fel really bad for him. he's really sweet and very gentleman-like, and he's really fun to be with. whatever i'l get over it.
anyways. im' going to start taking online classes and classes that you mail in, so that i'll be able to take some other classes during the year. how fun!!! (cough cough) oh yeah!!! I'm turning 17 next tuesday!!!! YAAAAAAYYYY MEEEE!! i think i'm only excited to just be abe to get into a rated r movie! yay! i guess! maybe not so much! :/
nobody better forget! im' watching you!! hahahahahaha jk :)
i'm done.
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[15 Feb 2005|11:05pm] |
You're too far to bring you close
And too high to see below
Just hangin' on your daily dose
I know you never needed anyone
But the rolling papers for your grass
How can you give what you don't have
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain
With your hydroponic pot
Start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way
I'll leave again `cause I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
I rather eat my soup with a fork
Or drive a cab in New York
`Cause to talk to you is harder work
So what's the point of wasting all my words
If it's just the same or even worse
Than reading poems to a horse
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[15 Feb 2005|10:29pm] |
yeah this is what i wrote in yasmin's recent joural entry, but i though it was too long for a comment. so yasmin and actually everyone else. this is for you:
yeah. ummm i usually dont comment on journals, but i just have to. your right, you are being extremely overdramatic. all the time, you and denise sit there in 1,3,4 period barely ever talking to me. and i always feel left out with you guys and christian, and it sux, alot. dont get me wrong, i love hanging out with you guys, but you dont even tell me alot of stuff, and you always whisper things to her and him, and dont even tell me. i thought i was one of your guys good friend and you dont even have the consideration to tell me simple little things as to wat we're doing for denises b-day until i have to actually ask. and on top of it all, i had a really good idea for it, and you wouldnt have even known until i told you. thats being unconfrontational. if you wanna tell me your lifes story, tell me, i dont need to ask. i'll listen to you, i always do. and as for calling you, you dont call me either. or invite me to go places, or anything of the such. if i ever want to put my info into something i just say it. maybe you should do the same, instead of trying to make everyone else feel bad. and i said all that junk without saying one swear word. maybe you should try that too. i know im being completely hypocitical by saying all this stuff, but im just saying how i feel now.
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[14 Feb 2005|08:08pm] |
i officially hate valentine's day!!!!!
now that i got that out of my system, why do i have to like so many boys at one time? my life would be soo much easier if i just had one boy all to myself. and thats it.but noooooo, i have to like both cesear and johnathan. johnathan is sooo freaking sweet and funny and simple country boy like, and i almsot went drag racing down 192 with him, but i was going the other way. damnitt!! and cesear is sexy as all hell!!!! he has that spanish rocker going for him, and he's really nice, and sexy!!! so either i go with super sexy, or cute cowboy. i know johnathan more, but i dont even think he likes me. which really sux because i would soo date him, even though he is a redneck. everything else i totally love about him! cesear, i'm pretty sure likes me, but that's what i said about nick too. but if i choose him, we would have a lot more to talk about because we dont know eachother that well. although there would probably be an uncomfortable scilence, as opposed to me johnathan where it wouldnt be that bad. and with all these boys, i got nothing for v-day. lifes a momo.
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[07 Feb 2005|10:22pm] |
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lizzy. i gonna fucking kill your friend. no joke she's a bitch!!
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[05 Feb 2005|03:43pm] |
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him, compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little harder now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect
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[05 Feb 2005|03:37pm] |
Its early in the morning
And my heart is really moaning
Just thinkin bout you baby
Got me twisted into things
And I dont know how to take it
But its driving me so crazy
I dont know if its right
I'm tossin turning in my bed
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at my home
I dont know what to do but I think I'm in love
Baby...........
Amor , no es amor
Then what am I feeling, what am I doing wrong
Amor, no es amor
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
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[03 Feb 2005|07:01pm] |
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yeah. i havent updated in a while. soccers over, we lost in the semi-finals, it sucked. i was gonna do track, but i think i'm just gonna focus on school, and paying for my car and stuff. i'm not "with" david anymore, even though i never was, but whatever.
i was going to go to the movies with katie and pierina tomorrow because its my only free friday in a while, but my mom had to be a bitch and say that because i didn't call her when i got to youth group yesterday i'm not responsible enough to do anything else. first off i am so focused on getting to my destination safely i don't really care about calling her when i get there. she should know that i will call her when i'm leaving, and that should be good enough for her. i'm sooooo sick of all of this stupid petty guilt trips that she always puts me on. saying that im inconsiderate, and iresponsible because i'm inconsiderate, ect. if i would ever not get there safely i would call her, and she should know that. how ridiculous is it to call sombody to tell them that you are somewhere. seriously. if i was hurt or in trouble in any way, then i would call her. if not theres no point.
i'm so sick of everybody, it is not even funny. just everybody in general. being steriotypical, and immature, and not understanding. everybody is like that, and they like to just cause these stupid little fights for nothing. and do whatever they want just because they feel like it, without thinking of the repercussions. if nobody had a concense or doubt. the world would literally be in caos. people would have no future because they would skip school everyday, and steal, and lie, and cheat, and do drugs, and all the shit that comes without a concinse. well i'm over it. i'm saying this now. i will never do drugs, i'm gonna stop skipping school, i'll keep on cheating, i'll stop lying, and i'll never steal. and i'll always hold my emotions on my sleeve, and i'll never hold back anything. but i won't say things i dont mean, but everybody SHOULD know that by know.that's it.
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[17 Jan 2005|10:44pm] |
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perdo siiii!! i lizzy wtf. where have u been. i seriously thought that u fell off the face of the earth!! i tried calling u but apparentely dont recieve incoming calls and ur house was busy all weekend. u have to call me. but at the house cuz my cell has officially died.
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[16 Jan 2005|11:30pm] |
Called u yesterday
U didn't answer your phone
The main drag is knowing that
U probably weren't alone So here I sit in my lonely room
Lookin' 4 my sunshine
But all I've got is two cigarettes
And this broken heart of mine So let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down You've been gone 17 days
17 long nights
The main drag is knowing that
You're holding someone else tight I wanna to call u everyday
And beg u 2 be near me
But I know your head is underwater
I doubt that u could hear me So let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down Ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
17 Days
Ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
17 Days Called u yesterday
U didn't answer your phone
If you're the one who's always lonely
Then I'm the one who's always alone So here I sit in my lonely room
Lookin' 4 my sunshine
All I've got is 2 cigarettes
And this broken heart of mine Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down Why don't you answer your phone? Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down
17 Days Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down, down
17 Days
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[12 Jan 2005|08:58pm] |
A true friend will always find something nice to say even if they have to look really hard to find it. A true friend will not blab your sectrets to 600 of their closet friends. Atrue friend will tell you if your planning to do something really stupid even when it hurts them to say it. A true friend will get angry at you at them but will never leave, even when you show them the door. A true friend will protect you from others, even from yourself. A true friend will come up and give you a hug even you don't realize you need it.
In order to have true friends, we must be true friends. Not everyone will accept this but that is ok, because when you find those who do...it is awesome.
I care about every single one of you, and I would do anything to help you. Even if you don't know it.
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[11 Jan 2005|10:11pm] |
ohhhhhhhh!!there's nothing half way, about the Iowa way that treats you, when we treat you, which we may not do at all.
There's an Iowa kind, a special chip on the shoulder attitude we've never been with out, that we recall.
But what the heck, your welcome, glad to have you with us, you can have your fill of all the food you bring yourself.
You really aught to give Iowa a try, provided you are contrary.
oh yeah denise and yasmine owes me 20 dollars!!!!!
JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :)))))):)))))))
BYE BYE
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[09 Jan 2005|10:43pm] |
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yeah. last entry i had to get offline puickly because my mom was trying ti read my entry. anyways my dad is getting sooo pissed at me for doing bad on my math mid-term, but ms. moore is a fucking bitch and deserves to fucking burn in hell for the rest of her life. he also pissed that i got a c in team sports, but she's another teacher that need to do the same thing as ms. moore. or at least get laid many times by a rico suave prostitute. mira perdo si. anyways, eduardo is coming back in two days. wonder how thats gonna turn out. lizzy is definitely right on wat she said, but i don't feel like repeating it because i'm a fat lazy bitch. :) also lizzy you definitely need to call me, because i need to know how your school is going. thats it.
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[07 Jan 2005|09:09pm] |
omg my mom is annoying the fucking crap out of me!!!! i just had to get that off my chest, becauser if she wasn't three times my size, I would go all out on that bitch. you have no fucking idea!!
on a just as bad note, the guy i like still won't talk to me!! Fucking hell, what is his problem?? he knows i like him alot but he still won't talk to me. whatever.to b cont...
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[01 Jan 2005|08:47pm] |
OMG!! I didn't do anything for New Year's Eve. Damnitt!!! All I did was go see Meet the Fockers and then I went to sleep at like 11:30. Whatever.
Anyways, I went to work today. And Jeanine was pointing out this guy that she though was really cute, and I was like "he's ok, but he has nice eyes", and all of a sudden, I look over and his GIRLFRIEND is giving me the dirtiest look. I'm just like ohhh shit!! And we all busted out laughing. And the girl was like what the hell are they laughing at?! I swear I though she was gonna stab me or something. Damn those Puerto Ricans!!!
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[22 Dec 2004|11:16pm] |
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i finally am writing in my journal. well alot of stuff has happened. i officially broke up with eduardo, by email of course. a guy i liked asked for my number finally, even though i had already gotten over him we can at least be friends. i got all my friends christmas presents, i hope they all like them!:) anyways, to lizzy about whatever is going on with taylor. that is probably the exact way i felt when shit was going on with you, so at least you know how i felt (if that made any sense what-so-ever:/). perdo si. i finally went to lizzy's house, it was soooo fun, your mom makes the best food, and her aunt is hilarious. after i went to work on tues. i went to my friends house for a sleepover that was fun. i got to see jenn c. who hasn't talked to me in forever. i was sooo pissed, we were like best friends and them shes moves, so we stop talking?? oh hellz no. whatever i gave her my im perdo si. so hopefully she'll talk to me then. i on my way home i got stuck in traffic for an hour and a half!! i almost died cause i couldn't turn the air on,and it was actually hot. my friend goddess came over and we saw lemony spinett's. it was soo good everybody go see it. lizzy showed me the gift she got for her mom, and i think i might get my mom something like that, tomorrow. we might go ice skating tomorrow, so that'll be spiffy:). i always feel like my journals are way less interesting than everyone elses, but whatever. i'm just a boring person i guess. hopefully not in real life.
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[12 Dec 2004|10:34pm] |
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pretty much the same thing as yeterday. I think I have a crush on this guy Omee that I work with. we've been friends for a while, and i have liked him for a while. but i dont really know if i like because i really do like him, or because i'm trying to get over eduardo. who hasn't e-mailed me since last time i wrote to him (stupid fag). but whatever, maybe i'll just wait and see where things take me.
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[11 Dec 2004|10:27pm] |
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yeah i just felt like writing some shit in here for the hell of it. i woke up, went to work which was wicked boring. came home, found out that my parents got chinese with out me(dammit). i got this thing called icq, which is like aol IM but in google so i can talk to ali, fun stuff. i majorly need to get my friends christmas presents. so everyone tell me what you guys need.
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[09 Dec 2004|09:03pm] |
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well yeah. i just got back from my soccer game which totally sucked!! We lost 8 to 0, sooo embarrassing. eduardo finally e-mailed me and pretended like nothing ever happened, i still chewed his butt out, i'll see what he says next. my parents are screaming as usual at my sister and it sounds like she's trying to make herself puke. me and denise made up, but i still feel kind of weird around her. you can't just say that you don't trust somebody and then automatically trust them. especially when she said it behind my back, so i don't really know how to feel. now she really needs to win my trust back, but its not like i'm going to be a total bitch to her, i'm going to give her a second chance. anyways i'm actually kinda pissed that eduardo is writing to me now because there was this other guy that i really liked. and guess what, hes actually my age! but he isn't the cutest guy, but looks are far from everything. hes our official ball boy for our games. anyways, thats all for now i guess.
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